I had my stroke on March 7, 2011.  For the first few months, I would say 4 months, I didn’t understand the severity of what had happened to me.  I was just in hell.  I cannot be held responsible for anything that I said or did during this time.  I had just had a massive brain injury and my brain was not working right.  I try to use that excuse now, but I can be held accountable for what I say and do now.  I just get in these bad moods sometimes where I hate everything, I hate everyone, and no one can say anything to me or do anything for me to make me feel better.  It’s getting better though, these terrible moods only happen a couple times a month now as opposed to every few days.   It’s OK, my mom absorbs it pretty well.  During this time, I remember thinking that I would be all better within a few months – not so when you have a stroke.  At month 5, everything “hit me” and I realized I’m going to have limitations for a long time, maybe for the rest of my life.  At 9 months, I started to feel like myself again on the inside.  I felt like myself – just a little slower talking and walking.  At one year, things got better.  I used to tell my patients that after a surgery there is going to be inflammation in the joint for about a year so any weird feeling can most likely be attributed to that.  That is what I was told after I had brain surgery and it’s definitely true because I could tell a difference at around that time.  All the inflammation in my skull was gone and things got a little better – not much – but somewhat better.  Now, a year and three months post, I feel OK most of the time.  I have accepted a lot of things about myself, about others, about my limitations, etc.  There are certain things that can get me really down but for the most part it’s OK.

Categories: Recovery

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