That Day

Christmas can be extremely depressing for some people.  Most people are conditioned to think that you HAVE to spend the holidays with others.  You don’t.  I’m taking a vacation to avoid Christmas.  I used to think frequently “why didn’t I just die that day?”  I know for a fact that I am not alone in this thinking.  I once posted this question on some message board and got like 50 responses.  To survive something extremely traumatic and to be left disabled – that sucks.  It sucks a lot.  If you have ever thought that, either secretly or openly, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  It’s probably not something you want to say to friends and family, but it’s OK if you have.  I have said it to my mom – sorry Mom, but I used to think that a lot.  I’ve realized – wouldn’t the world be really freaking boring if everyone was great and no one ever suffered any hardship?  I have a great story to tell now, I’m much more interesting than someone who’s never been through shit.  I rarely, rarely think this anymore.  Sometimes I do when I feel like crap, but it’s rare.

Categories: Recovery

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4 replies

  1. I feel lucky because that thought never crossed my mind. I can understand how it could for others, but for me…it was different. I had to make the choice to have a very high risk brain surgery or leave my bleeding cavernous angioma. I had s stroke because of the surgery. I just felt lucky to be alive, and happy that some things were still intact. My son was almost 2, nothing keeps you working hard and optimistic like wanting to raise your little boy. Purpose is the key to avoiding that thought process. My boy NEEDED me, and that CURED me albeit slowly… 🙂

  2. You do have a great story to tell, and I am glad you are hearing letting us listen. You’re a beautiful, strong voice that sings of courage. Happy new year to you!

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