There is some song, I forget what song, that has a line “I hate everything.”  My best friend in PT school said that should be my theme song.  Jeez, I must have been really unhappy then.  Yeah, I was.  I was incredibly unhappy in PT school.  And I stayed unhappy until the age of 30.  Then I had a massive stroke.  That certainly didn’t brighten my mood.  But being knocked down like that forced me to re-evaluate my life and purge it of things that didn’t make me feel really good about myself.   It took a while for me to do this but I did, I purged my life of all the fake stuff.  Now, I know who and what I want in my life and I make a point to have those people and things in my life.  If I don’t want to do something, I don’t do it.  I used to do all kinds of stuff that I didn’t really want to do because everyone around me wanted to and it seemed like the “normal” thing to do.  Well, not anymore.  I only do stuff that will make me feel good.  I wish everyone could learn this lesson but that won’t happen because in this culture we have certain images to uphold, so being disingenuous is generally accepted.  I will never be that way again.

Categories: Health, Recovery, Stroke stuff

Tags: , , ,

9 replies

  1. I too have done soul-searching in the 3 years since having a stroke. Unfortunately, there are things – especially my part-time job – in my life that make me content in the abstract, but miserable in practice; everyone tells me to quit, but some aspects of it make me very happy, and I don’t think quitting the last vestige of my pre-stroke job would make me less miserable about it. Conundrum.

  2. Good work, Amy.

    Once we have a stroke, we do have new choices. I love the choices you have chosen–and share with us in your informative, upbeat blog posts. Much thanks,

    Aka Edie of srtokedaze.com

  3. Barb’s comment #2. Thanks for the topic. I mentioned you and your topic in my blog entry today, and then went off on a riff.

  4. I sometimes wish we could have learned all we have about ourselves and what’s really important without having had the strokes…but better now than never! I so appreciate your thoughts as I’m figuring this out myself.

    • Yeah I wish we could too. But it never would’ve happened for me, I never would’ve changed my life and learned this lesson without the stroke. I don’t think I needed to have something so devastating and traumatic but it is what it is, I’m dealing with it.

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