About a year and a half after my stroke a light bulb switched on in my head and I realized that my life, if that’s what you could call it, f’ing sucked.  It was at this point that I realized I needed to re-enter life.  Up until then I was just kind of existing.  The biggest thing I did was end my mentally abusive relationship.  I would rather live alone and disabled than in the situation in which I was living.  Before I got sick, I was in a bad relationship.  After I got sick, things got worse.  I didn’t realize that they were worse for a long time – a year and a half.  And things sure didn’t seem bad to outsiders, but behind closed doors things were bad.   I’ve been told that outsiders thought we were a perfect couple.  NOOOOOOOOO!  So I left.  For a long time I thought I had to stay, I thought well this is my life now, fate sealed.  Don’t ever think that, fate is never sealed.  And there were some things said to me that SHOULD NOT have been said.  About a year after my stroke I called a “friend” because I needed to talk about the misery that was my existence on this planet and he said to me “remember everything ___ has done for you.”  BELIEVE ME, I was WELL aware of what had been done for me.  That person is no longer my friend.  Don’t say something like that.  Don’t.  All of my sadness regarding my former relationship has turned into anger.  I said this to my therapist and she said “that’s great!”  I was like “how the hell is it a good thing that I have a ton of anger now?”  She said “because that means you’re moving on, that all that energy has shifted.”  Damn.  She’s good.

Categories: Health, Recovery

Tags: moving on, Stroke