I realized today that I spent more time in school preparing to become a physical therapist than being a practicing physical therapist.  3 more years.  That’s f’ing depressing.  See Barb I like using the f-bomb in my blog posts.  My last few posts were f-bomb free so i needed to use it.  Anyway, today I was somewhere with my mom that I needed assistance.  So my mother asked and pointed to me and said “my daughter needs help.”  The lady my mom was talking to then looks at me and says “you need assistance?”  Sigh.  Yes, I need help.  I know I don’t look disabled – AT ALL.  In fact to look at me you’d have the complete opposite opinion.  That’s a really good thing but it gets old.  And it’s really annoying.  Don’t judge a book by its cover.

Categories: Recovery, Stroke stuff

Tags: ,

22 replies

  1. It’s very annoying! I dont look like I need assistance either. I do have to laugh somewhat though, when people give me evil looks because my tiny, 100 pound, 60+ year old mother, loads groceries and heavy items into her car while I stand there (she refuses to let me pick anything up in her presence until my artery dissection heals). Needless to say, no one seems to find my laughter humorous; except my mom.

  2. Too funny! I just put a post on my blog that had the “D” word in the title, and I actually changed it! Now I need to go back and change it again, LOL!!!

  3. I wish I didn’t look disabled. I can barely look at myself in the mirror and I can’t watch myself walk, ever. But it must be really irritating to have people think you are just malingering (love that word – it has a Dickensian quality to it. I can imagine a “gaol” for malingerers filled with filthy, scrawny, extremely lazy people). That said, I’m really beginning to hate “helpful” people. I was outside with my PT this morning and this woman just walked up to us and said to my PT (not to me) – “Here is my card – I work for people like her”; “her” being me. I could have cheerfully beaten her to a bloody pulp with my cane. My husband is convinced that someday he’ll get a call from me telling him to show up at our local precinct with bail money. Has anyone else had this experience? I don’t believe people mean well when they do this stuff. They’re just stupid and nosy. I miss the old days, when NYC was so dangerous you could get killed for making eye contact on the subway. At least then people left each other alone. I need to cultivate a more dangerous look. The fragile ex-ballet dancer with a cane thing just isn’t working. Maybe some piercings and tats. Carry permits are impossible to get in this city, and I’m against guns anyway so I’m just going to have to stick with a cane for now (“Cripple beats tourist from Nebraska to death with cane. -News at 11” – Obviously I have a very active fantasy life). As you said, Amy, don’t judge a book by its cover.

    • OMG!! Oh my God!! Oh. My. God. You should’ve absolutely hit her with your cane! What’s her name? I’ll come to NY and pound on her. Yes, I’ve had that happen to me. At the beginning I would say for the 1st year no one talked to me. Comments were always directed towards my parents or “boyfriend” at the time. Like “she looks so good.” Fuck you person.

      • Yes, of course, because you are cleeeaarrrllllyyyy too weak to answer a question or be acknowledged?!?!? Whenever someone asks me a question that should be directed toward Zack sometimes I’ll just look at him as if they asked him…or I’ll say, “I don’t know, he can tell you…” Annoying.

        • Call it what it is, full on blatant RUDE! So often people haven’t been taught better I think the world should fear recovering stroke patients cause one day we’re gonna open a can of whup ass and beat them senseless with a barrage of quad and 1 point canes until we get tired. Or we can dazzle them with our brilliant minds!

    • I am so sorry, Julia. That is freaking ridiculous. People are idiots. Iddddddiiiioooottttsssss. There needs to be a brain injury awareness month or something. And if there already is, it needs more attention. Don’t let her ruin your day. At least you’re not ignorant.

    • LOL I could have cheerfully beaten her to a bloody pulp with my cane. I’ve been known to purposely trip people with my cane and ask them if they need help up?

      Reminds me of when I wanted to buy a car. At the onset my husband told the salesman that I was purchasing a car for me and would be paying for it, but they ignored me and talked to him. The one place that didn’t, I bought a car from.
      Idiots arise and jump off a cliff to make everyone else’s life better!

    • How horrible! It’s like people think we’re stupid just because we’re injured. I’m so sorry you had that experience!

  4. Jo – Tripping people with your cane then asking them if they need help up. That’s too much. You made my morning. I feel a revolution brewing here. Look at the bright side – we’re brain injured, so probably no jury could convict us if we played our cards right.

    • I’ve used the “I have a brain injury” excuse many times. It’s a great excuse, it gets you out of all kinds of inappropriate behavior. 🙂

    • I agree that Jo’s got a good technique going there. And Dean says, “stroke-addled,” which is a good justification for making a mistake EXCEPT for people you’re trying to prove to that you’ve recovered (like at work).

  5. Yes! I have the same problem. It’s good and bad all at the same time

  6. This is one thing I lecture about, is it better to have invisible limitations or limitations for the world to see. I flip-flop on this topic. While having the invisible, people do not readily help me or question me when I need more time or more help. Yet, not showing these limitations allows people to see ME and judge me for who I am before they judge my blindness and weakness. I kind of like it that way. They judge the person before they judge the white cane. They see my strength before they assume my weakness.

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