My life was devastated.  That happened to ME and ME alone.  A lot of other people’s lives were greatly affected by what happened to me but the actual trauma – that was mine and only mine.  It didn’t happen to my parents, it didn’t happen to my significant other at the time, it happened to ME.  I spent A LOT of time feeling incredibly guilty for all the help people gave me and things that people did for me but never again.  It feels good to help people and I have realized that I am the one who got sick, I am the one who was extremely vulnerable, I am the one whose life was shattered, I am the one who had to find reasons to keep on living and make my life better.  And I got very little help in this endeavour.  I was told after the stroke that I was being extremely selfish.  Saying that to me was unbelievably cruel but you know what, maybe I was.  That’s the way I had to be and all really sick people have to be.  You have to be extremely selfish and put yourself first if you have any chance of recovering.

Categories: Health, Recovery, Stroke stuff

Tags: , , , ,

12 replies

  1. Shame on whomever told you that you were being selfish!

  2. I agree with Shelly. Shame on them.

  3. Yes, I think it was cruel to call you selfish, but I also think anyone who lives through a life-altering medical problem deserves to be just as selfish as he/she want so think we get to be self-indulgent and have it be all about us for as long as we want. Even that doesn’t compensate for our lives being wrecked. And I think wanting to live selfishly wears off eventually, so we can feel happy and productive.

    And people who accuse others of sins are generally looking in a mirror … Are those people who called you selfish actually selfish themselves?

  4. I wish I could help but I know nothing.

  5. You hit it right on the button by saying it was selfish! We have to be selfish and completely self-centered to deal on a personal level with what each of us have gone thru. Yes, people can help, but only the person who has had the trauma can deal with it. Being selfish is what other’s call REHAB! If you give up, you’re screwed!

    I still have times when I sob my heart out over what “I’ve put my family thru”. But then I get pissed and realize I didn’t choose it!

    • I get pissed a lot. I’m trying not to though.

    • Yes, we didn’t choose this, but part of my grief is about what I’ve pulled down on my husband’s head. His vision of his life and the future has been destroyed too. The good news? I wanted to spend a lot of retirement time traveling, but he hates to travel. So now he has a good excuse to say we’re not going.

  6. Yes. My Buddhist leader said to me when I was attempting to heal after a “Big Devestation,” that it was not being selfish to spend so much time and effort on me but rather an investment in healing so that one day I might be able to help others.

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