Night and Day

I’ve talked before about what an impact stress can have on a person but let me tell you something.  When I got sick, I was living in an absolutely awful, miserable situation that no one on the planet knew was not great and it stressed me out so much that I considered suicide not because of the stroke, but because of that situation and having to deal with it in that condition.  I felt for a while that the stroke took away my ability to make choices and I saw no other way out.  But I got out.  I left that unbelievably stressful situation 15 months ago and the difference in me is like NIGHT AND DAY.  Night and f’ing day.  I look completely different, I speak completely different, I walk completely different, I write completely different and I feel COMPLETELY different.  Now don’t get me wrong, I’m far from a full recovery and I’ve worked my ass off but I KNOW I wouldn’t have made as good a recovery as I have so far if not for eliminating that stress.  If you’re really sick, eliminate as much stress as you can from your life.  And don’t feel guilty for having feelings either like I did.  I felt incredibly, unbelievably guilty about certain things.  I’m way beyond over that.  You’re allowed to have any feelings at all and those feelings should be VALIDATED (remember how I did a couple posts about empathy?)  If someone tells you that you ‘should feel’ this or that, or ‘you need to’ do this or that, or ‘at least’ this or that – tell that person to shut the eff up because they obviously don’t know what the hell they’re talking about.

Categories: Brain stuff, Health, Recovery, Stroke stuff

Tags: , , ,

32 replies

  1. I’ll ask the million dollar question – what got you out – to make the difference between night and day? I have not had such drastic differences.
    Was it Kundalani Yoga?
    I hope so – I asked for the book that you recommended for Christmas, and I got it – so I am hoping that it will help!


    • Honestly, yes I think it was the yoga. If not for KY, I know that I wouldn’t have had the strength to leave.

      • Ha-ha, when you call it KY -it just makes me laugh!

        Many years ago, when I was about your age, I was working at a financial company. My supervisor came in one morning with a very huge financial prospectus that had been mailed out to a client. For whatever reason, it had been returned to us and the owner of the financial policy had kindly written on the front of the envelope – “Take this prospectus and stick it up your rear with some KY” – I laughed when I saw it, but my boss was so confused. She said to me – “Why would I want to stick this up my rear with Kentucky? – I don’t understand.”
        After much laughing, I had to explain to her that KY meant KY jelly, not Kentucky. She still didn’t quite get it because she hadn’t heard of KY (petroleum) jelly. Maybe it was an older language.
        Anyways, thanks for the laugh – and have you heard of KY jelly?
        I don’t think it’s that old!

  2. I worked at Bellevue Hospital for many years. You’d be surprised by what can be stuck up a butt with just a bit of determination and ingenuity. Dean?

  3. Wonderful advice. I’m sorry it took me 3 years to come to the same conclusion. What felt like a necessary situation after I just had the stroke was not right for me at all, but I was very slow to catch on – I didn’t realize that the rules for my life had changed radically.

    • Yes, DRASTICALLY changed, drastically. Some people don’t get that.

      • Zack and I had this conversation last night…we are not the same as before…and we have to work at figuring out what our relationship will look like now. Good thing we are both still crazy in love. But we had an excellent relationship before. I have always said that if we didn’t this would be harder than it is now for completely different reasons. I am proud of you for having the gumption to do what was right when your world had just been turned upside down months before. Very admirable, Amy.

        • It’s wise to acknowledge that your relationship will change. with Tom, I just skipped along as though nothing had changed (just as I did about work), but our relationship shifted big-time. even now, 4 years later, I still defer to Tom’s judgment, and I feel like I screwed up his whole life so badly that I should just do whatever he wants. I lost that Barb with her “I want what I want and I’m going for it” attitude. I had it in the rehab hospital, so none of the staff trusted me, but, in my relationship with Tom now, I’m more docile.

  4. For me it always felt like I was walking on eggshells, waiting for the next outburst. So that’s why I am very happy I’m now divorced.

  5. I have been married for 37 years, and I have become more compassionate since the stroke, I can see more things from other people’s perspective. as my husband says I am gentler. less strident…an improvement I think. I am still the planner in our relationship, I decide what to do, but my husband always deferred to my preferences even before…so not much has changed for us. I have a completely unrelated question though.As I’m recovering I am plagued by itching in my affected joints- shoulder and hip mostly. Anyone else? My massage therapist calls it ‘the healing itch’ Marta

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