Sorry again about the previous email.  I hit publish before I was ready again.  I need to stop doing that.

Before the stroke, I was absolutely miserable and hated my life.  I needed to make some changes in my life and I had plans to.  But the universe apparently did not agree with my plans.  The universe thought “no, first you’re going to do this.  First you’re going to have a stroke, survive that stroke, and live in HELL for a few years.  And not only are you gonna have a stroke but your doctors are going to royally screw up and make the rest of your life a lot harder than it has to be.  And your doctors are not going to help you get better in the least little bit so you’re on your own kiddo.”  Thanks docs.

When I was very ill and completely dependent on other people, I got a lot of help.  For this, I am super grateful.  That being said, despite being told differently, I don’t owe anyone that helped me a damn thing.  Hopefully all the help that was given to me was done out of love and nothing was expected in return.  Some stuff was expected of me in return, I know that.  But somehow I didn’t buy into that.  Don’t compare your illness to relationships or let it influence relationships.  Don’t.  What you SHOULD do is pay it forward.  All that help that was given to you, give it to someone else.  You get what you give.  You get back from the universe what you put out there.  Later this week I’m going to give you a very specific way to help someone else who badly needs it.  I really hope you do and put some good karma out into the universe.

Categories: Recovery, Stroke stuff

Tags: , , ,

15 replies

  1. Yes! my husband claims that the vast amount of help that came to us was a reward for how we had treated people in the past. we had endless logistical help, no one asking, “what can I do,” just doing. there was an outpouring of love because we (he credits me) had loved so well previously. as for paying it forward, I agree: I want to help others going through hell in thanks for the help I received. Amy, the Universe loves you.

    • The people who mean the world to me now are the people who just did stuff. They didn’t ask “what can I do?” They just did stuff. That was a hell of a lesson for me.

  2. Yep! I will straight up tell people that I don’t know what to tell them when they say, “how can I help you.” Maybe I should shock the heck out of them and say, “ya know, it would really be helpful if you paid my mortgage every month!” haha I always tell people to be specific, “can I being you dinner this week?” or “When can I watch Charley so you can have some alone time?” perhaps, “when can I come over and help you do some cleaning?” That sort of verbage is so much more helpful than, “what can I do?” People who are as vulnerable as we have been (I still am in many ways) already feel incredibly needy and it’s absolutely not helpful to make us ask. If you want to help, help.

  3. yes, Brooke, making me ask for a specific thing, I never would, and it’s important to remember to use that lesson when we ourselves pay it forward.

    • Yeah I just do things now for the people I love. I don’t wait to be asked, I just do shit.

    • Yes, you’re right Barb. Definitely need to remember that. I try to and sometimes I catch myself saying, “what do you need?” I think because I have nothing else to say, which I crap-o-la. Gotta change my own ways of thinking, too.

  4. Glad you went for the universe rather than thinking small like the Earth or the Milky Way solar system.

  5. that’s when we’re all laughing at Dean for making a mistake. Teehee.

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