I’ve been to hell and came back from that hell. For that reason there is very little that scares or intimidates me. Very little.
You know what would scare me? A zombie apocalypse. See, to get away from a zombie all you have to do is walk fast. I cannot do anything fast so a zombie attack would be quite scary.

Learn these. Every single one of these things has been said to me by one moron or another in the last 3 years.


Categories: Miscellaneous

16 replies

  1. but our brains are damaged and rotten, not zombie food anymore.

  2. Your zombie apocalypse is my coyote-eats-Turbo terror. we have so many coyotes around that I’m sure one will appear and drag Turbo off as a snack. I can wave my cane at a coyote, but I can’t actually run toward the coyote so that my cane connects with him.

    • Whenever you say the name Turbo it makes me crack up!

      • when I had the stroke, I had the only car I’ve ever been attached to – a blue Jetta turbo, a standard – and when I realized I’d never drive it (or any standard transmission) again, I decided to name my puppy after the car. “Jetta” seemed like a bad name, so I went for turbo; and then he grew into it, turning into a whirling dervish.

  3. One of the ways I used to promote my book about zombies was to participate in zombie walks. I forgot about a book signing/zombie walk/promotion that was slated in October the year I had my stroke.( 2 months after and prior to the event) I got an email from the promoter as a reminder and I toyed with the idea of doing it until I realized I could sign the books. But afterwards I realized I would make the perfect zombie. Decided lean to one side, one leg dragging with foot drop as I walked, partial facial droop, slurred monotone voice, and arm hanging lifeless beside me.

    Yep I figured in a zombie apocalypse scenario, I’d play act as a zombie. Now, I’d hunker down and fight them off.

  4. Yes, Zack still looks like a zombie sometimes. Though the end of this month is when he first got sick, technically his date of when his injury peaked and started healing isn’t until April. That’s probably why he was/is so affected-a month and a half of a swelling brain might just do that to ya. Anyway, I am happy to say that he isn’t a complete zombie anymore. Only about half way. This is good progress.

    I think about how Zack can’t run or walk all the time. I think about how I take things that he can’t do for granted everyday. Walking, clapping, seeing clearly, jumping running, speaking at the rate I want to say, being understood by everyone because my speech is clear and loud enough, going wherever I want to go and doing whatever I want to do. Damn. I have no idea how that feels and I am so sorry that anyone would ever have to. It makes me want to get up and jump at least once everyday, look at beautiful things for a long time, and say all the things I want and need to say to the people I love.

    Sorry to get all mushy on y’all.

  5. When my dog runs away from me….horrifying to someone that can’t run anymore. And I hate when it’s in front of ppl – I was at a gas station and she jumped our when I opened the door. She kept going further and further away and it was by a college so there were tons of ppl around. Me pleading “please! Just stop!” Crying in the car later. Awful. I was powerless.

    • Sara, yes, I have that fear too – I have a small dog, and our neighborhood has coyotes. I can’t walk my dog (I didn’t train him well enough – although we took classes and had a trainer come to our house), so I let him out loose, with me always outside with him in an attempt to spook away the coyotes. But I’m still afraid a brazen one will come along and snatch him. As he gets bigger, my anxiety has lessened, but it’s still there. And he’s much more reliable responding to “come” now, so that helps too.

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