When I had my stroke, it was physically taxing to speak. Just talking took an incredible amount of effort and I didn’t want to do it. I used to just grunt. Especially when I was really tired. I would reach a point in the day where I was just done talking and I would just grunt. A friend of mine used to say “are you in grunt mode?” I remember talking to Brooke a while ago and she said “it’s very hard to understand that just speaking could be hard.” It was, it was hard as hell. I forget what it’s like to speak normally and not worry about what I sound like.

For the first time since beginning this blog, I just made myself cry. If you never lost the ability to speak and express yourself, be very grateful.

I sound ok now. Everyone tells me that I sound perfectly fine but to me, in my head, it’s still pretty bad. But it’s ok and it’s not super hard anymore.

Categories: Brain stuff, Health, Recovery, Stroke stuff

Tags: , , ,

17 replies

  1. I have been told that I sound “normal”. But since my stroke, I find myself losing track of a conversation quickly. My attention is drawn away easily. When I try to engage in a conversation, I find myself tiring quickly because I have to concentrate so hard on what is being said.

    • Me too. To me I sound like a deaf person trying to speak even though everyone says I speak normally. I use a tape recorder and know I don’t. It’s normal to those who have never heard me speak before. Flighty is the word I use to describe my words because I lose track of my thoughts so often. Family often reminds me to finish my thought and what I was talking about.

      Being a public speaker and lecturer in the past, I find it quite irritating and frustrating now. Exhausting…always. For me also it’s doubly tiring because my deaf husband reads lips.

    • I used to be like that too. Keeping up with a conversation would tire me out mentally. That’s not a problem anymore.

  2. When I went back to work at six months meetings were impossible, I couldn’t understand in real time and responding to questions was not occurring. At about a year I could finally keep up with the flow and even sometimes contribute. Now in social situations I’m the talker.

  3. my speech was never affected, although talking to people took enormous effort because I had to spend 100% of my attention on them, but I rarely wanted to. in the past two weeks, though, I have stuttered, or maybe “stammered” is a better word for it. twice. it was scary the first time because it was out of my control; the second time, I just clammed up and didn’t try to finish my sentence.

  4. My husband Ken does real well in the morning and sometimes in the afternoon with speaking. If he says one word at a time and articulate then he is great. When is starts getting tired or in the middle of the night everything slurrs together and there are no breaks in the words. I am pretty much the only one in his life that can understand what he is saying. Most of his family don’t even try and they talk over him. Needless to say… it makes him angry when they don’t listen or try to for that matter. I recorded him last night so that in the future he can hear the progress he has made. We have come far from the letter chart that we started out with in the beginning of Dec.

    • It used to be like that for me, there was a HUGE difference between my speech in the morning and at night. One of the most frustrating things that made me want to kill someone is when people would talk over me. Try to get it through to them that they can’t do that.

  5. i returned to work about 5 months after the stroke, and although my speech was not impaired at all, much of my job involved speaking with a team on objectives and tasks, I was also asked to lead this team on developing a Facebook page for the company and then to create content daily for the page about productsSo every day, it was my job to speak and write , It is not difficult now at all, the only real issue i had was that I didn’t enjoy reading as much as before, but that has returned as well, in social situations, I do have to focus more on what people are saying, so the stroke has made me a better listener.M

  6. For a long time, having a conversation was just as hard as walking–and harder emotionally, because aphasia is so isolating. I’m so glad that these things do get better for most survivors.

  7. Ppl say that I sound fine but I KNOW that I sound strange now. I can hear myself saying certain words poorly – unclearly or jumbled-like.

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