I have spent the vast majority of my life pretending to be happy when I so, so wasn’t. Then I had a stroke when I was 30. How much can one person take, seriously? I have referred to the stroke as an interruption in my life and Lori once asked me if it was a good interruption or a bad interruption. That’s a thinker. I have come to the conclusion that it’s been both good and bad.
1) I needed something big to interrupt the miserable existence I was living before the stroke. If not for the interruption, I would’ve spent the rest of my life sleepwalking through shit and never knowing that life could actually be a good and happy thing as it is now.
1) I could’ve made the changes I have made with something WAY the F less drastic and severe. I could have made these changes without something that has the possibility of causing lifelong physical disabilities. Notice I said ‘possibility’ not ‘probability.’
So it’s 50/50. Both good and bad. More good has COME of this horrible event, but that’s all my doing. The event itself – bad. Real bad.
So now no more pretending ever, even for another second. I spent a long time living a lie and I NEVER will again. If you know me, you know that I only deal with reality and things that make me happy. I don’t deal with falsehoods or things that cause me to be stressed out, I just don’t deal with it. I’ve been through one of the worst things a human being can go through and it started for me at the age of 30. So I’m going to spend the rest of my life actually living and being happy.