I’m really good with words (hence the popularity and continued growth of this blog). And because of that, I’m really good at being mean to people and making them feel like crap. But I hate this about myself. I have spent the last week being really depressed and that depression was triggered by a mean comment that was left on my blog. I wasn’t depressed about the comment, the comment itself was absolutely absurd and ridiculous and was made by a guy with a whole HELL of a lot of misdirected anger. I was super upset about the way that I reacted to the comment. I got angry and impulsively retaliated by saying a whole bunch of mean things that I later regretted saying. Because of this I considered stopping this blog. That was a very transitory thought and is now gone. But the difference between myself and a narcissist with a God complex saying something like that is that I recognize when this happens and I apologize for it. I’m very much aware of this aspect of my personality and am consciously trying to change it. Other people do not recognize certain things in themselves, only in others.
This blog used to be nothing but a fun, positive thing in my life. Now, it’s different. It’s grown so much(which is a great thing) and attracted so many people(also great)- some of those people felt entitled and like I owe them something and have tried to control me and what I say on here or the way that I say them. Not gonna happen. Some of these things were said to me publicly by way of leaving nasty comments on here, other things have been said to me other ways by people who I assume didn’t have the courage to say it publicly. Either way, bad idea. Say something like that to me and it will only fuel my anger and end up having the opposite effect. For a long time, I absolutely loved getting comments and they sure didn’t cause me to feel bad. If you have an opinion that differs from mine or knowledge about something that I’m lacking or said wrong, please leave a comment. I welcome those kinds of comments. But if you’re going to leave a comment that personally insults me and attacks me, be prepared because you will probably be personally attacked and insulted 20 times harder in return. Hopefully not by me, like I said before I’m trying hard to change this about myself but I can’t speak for other people. For this reason, I have changed the prompt below. All of the things that were said to me were unbelievably unempathetic things. I really think I’m going to post the empathy video every time I publish a blog post no matter the topic. Back when I was practicing, I think the reason my patients really, really loved me is because I treated everyone with the utmost respect and empathy. I have not been treated the same, by multiple people. I have learned that a lack of empathy is a rampant, rampant issue and a problem the majority of people on the planet are afflicted with. There are other people in the world going through horrible things too. Don’t say to someone that it could be worse and don’t ever, ever have the audacity to think or say that you or someone you know is going through something worse, you have no clue what someone else is going through on a day-to-day basis or has gone through in their life. Don’t say to someone that you should be grateful that you can do certain things. Nope, those are all disgusting, awful, horrible things to say to someone. You should be ashamed of yourself if you have ever said that to someone as it has been said to me. If you’ve ever said something like that to another person, SHAME.ON.YOU. Don’t tell someone how to feel.
In my last post, I said I was done referencing the personal attack made on MY blog by a physician. A stroke survivor’s husband. E-mail me if you want to know what was said or if you want to know the name of the ARROGANT ARROGANT ARROGANT man who had the audacity to say it. How sad that his extreme arrogance ruined for his wife what could’ve been a great friendship and a great support system. Attacking me in this way and saying what he said most definitely goes very much against the Hippocratic oath. I guess that I’m not over it because I want to address it again. I don’t want to address it because it’s still making me angry or anything, I just want to clear something up just in case anyone who read that comment was affected by it which I absolutely do not think is the case, but still. Then I’ll be done….I think. I have since deleted the nasty comment and a few follow up comments in support of me, which I thank you dearly for, but having that on my blog was making me sick and I kept thinking about it so I had to delete it. This is what I want to address…here is a direct quote from that comment…..
“You do not have any medical background, or medical doctoral degree to judge or educate patients or society on eastern OR western medicine.”
Ummmm, really? Did you seriously say that to me? Seriously? Oh my God. Now, I’m pretty sure that this comment was made to personally insult me and me alone but my God, you want to piss off all therapists? Done and done. To the person that left that comment: Do you not refer patients to physical therapy? To say that I don’t have a right to educate people about medical things…..oh my God. I more than have that right. I would like to make it clear as I feel that I have many, many times that whatever I say on here is my opinion. That’s why I have a disclaimer down at the bottom of this page. That being said, mine is a highly, highly educated opinion. It is one of personal, educational, AND professional experience so in my not so humble opinion, my opinions are worth a hell of a lot. I have the title ‘Dr.’ in front of my name too, MR. K, you arrogant, arrogant prick. This blog does not exist at all to make people get to know my personality, it’s a blog about recovering from a stroke. So if I seem angry on here and different in person – SO WHAT?????? I have QUITE A BIT of medical training and QUITE A BIT of medical knowledge. So that was absolutely ridiculous and absurd to say. As was that entire comment.
Barb e-mailed me a question recently that stumped me. She said that her spastic arm went limp one day. Now in all of my medical training, I learned that it is always going to be flaccidity followed by spasticity. But as we all know, medical training can be so very wrong. So I’d like to know if this kind of thing has happened to anyone else. ???
I was just attacked (by words) on my own blog on this post. If I’m helping you somehow and you’d like me to continue writing this blog, please leave a comment and say so. According to this comment that was made on my public blog for everyone to see, I’m extremely offensive. If that is the case, I want to stop. But I think I’m helpful and make people laugh. So, please tell me if you want me to continue.
The internet was created for the sole purpose of creating and sharing cat videos. That’s it. The why Al Gore invented the internet. It’s very strange that Al Gore has been mentioned on my blog 2 days in a row. Ummm, WTH? But some other people have figured out some useful things to do with the information superhighway, like e-mail and Facebook and stuff. You can also get some really good information on the internet, and some not so good information. I recently deleted my Facebook page because it was making me crazier than I already am. Seeing other peoples’ lives and obsessing about comments and ‘likes.’ Bah, I’m quite obviously not ready for that yet. But don’t let social media affect your feelings, it’s not real. I was starting to let it affect my feelings and that’s why I had to delete it. If you can handle it, just use it for staying in touch with people, I can’t handle that yet.
Tommy Lee Jones was also mentioned on my blog yesterday.
I have a new job that I’ve been doing since April. I’m reviewing charts written by physical therapists and I’ve seen this word a lot: kinesiotape. Kinesio Tape is a brand name, the therapist is just talking about elastic tape that can be used on skin. Doing this and taping joints into certain positions can help some things, the point being to stabilize a joint and give feedback to the muscle to work correctly. They taped my shoulder when I was in the hospital. They did this. It didn’t do a damn thing. My tremor and ataxia were way, way, way, way too bad and overcame the tape. Poor things, the therapists felt SO bad for me. I was a young woman who days ago WAS a therapist and —- Oh God. Anyway, taping stuff is a really orthopedic thing to do. It probably won’t do anything for a neurological injury. An acute neurological injury that is. So, not at first. But after a while, the problems you’re dealing with become more orthopedic as a result of the crapass neurological injury. Make sense? So years later, tape might help some things. It wouldn’t help me at all because of my particular issues but it might help others.
I’ve used these all before but they make me laugh…..
At the bottom of my posts there are buttons under something that says “share this.” Well, this blog post was shared 704 times on Facebook. Jesus H. Christ. I linked to this post before and I’m doing it again because obviously everyone who blew out some brain agrees with these and every.single.one of these things has been said to me in the last 3.5 years by one moron or another. Actually by a family of morons. These things that were said to me made me SO angry…………just don’t say these things.
I haven’t published 2 posts in one day in a while….
I wrote a post about nerve glides the other day and it made me think of this because nerve glides, well flossing, apparently the interweb likes the term “nerve flossing” better. Nerve flossing is the way to treat this issue. You have back pain ok? Well do this……………..In standing, bend over forward, make sure you’re bending at the waist, not the hips. If you bend at the hips and keep your back straight – which is how you should bend forward all the time in your everyday life – but when you do that for this purpose this test won’t work because you’re keeping the spinal cord on slack. Bend forward at the waist curling your back into the shape of a ‘C’, does that make the pain worse? If the answer is yes, then do this…. Bend one knee and put your foot up on a chair or something. Then with your knee bent, bend over forward at the waist again. Does this make the pain worse? If the answer is still yes, something is going on at your low back. If the answer is no, you might have an adherent nerve root causing your pain. Here’s what that means. Where the nerve comes out of the spinal column, it adhered to something and isn’t moving properly so every time the nerve gets tension placed on it, it causes pain. Since the nerve became adhered to something, when you move in certain directions and assume certain positions, the nerve doesn’t move as it normally would and hurts. You might not have pain where the nerve became adhered to something, the pain might manifest somewhere else. The body is f’ing weird. Adherent nerve roots happen frequently after a surgery because all the scar tissue might trap the nerve so you want to break up that scar tissue and mobilize the nerve. This can happen anywhere along the spine but it’s most common with the nerves of the low back/legs. Good video, 6 minutes long but it explains ANRs well if you feel like watching it.
I really need to write a book. The author of the great Stronger After Stroke, is a Physical Therapist Assistant who has been researching nothing but strokes for I think like 20 years or something? Maybe that number’s wrong, I loaned my book out to Pat who actually wants to learn and try to understand the little slice of hell I go through on a day-to-day basis. I’m sure it says the length of time in there. 20 years is a hell of a lot more years of experience than I have dealing with this topic. But here’s my experience with stroke – I had one. Wait, no, hold on, I would have only had one stroke had the doctors done a GD thing for me but they didn’t so I ended up having 3 strokes. The damage to my brain being gigantic. And an a few MDs decided to do something in order to prevent death for me so that I could live out the rest of my life disabled. Thanks so much!!!!!
Dean, you wanna collaborate on a book with me? Seriously? I happen to think it would be the best book on stroke rehab/recovery in existence. But that’s just me. Peter Levine does not mention meditation in his book. A major portion of my book is going to be dedicated to meditation and its effects on the brain and body. I really, really don’t understand why meditative practices are not being used in hospitals and prescribed by neurologists. I don’t get it, but I don’t get a whole hell of a lot about this country.
Please go here for a better, affordable alternative to learning Transcendental Meditation.
Dean found a research article stating that mobilization of the sciatic nerve can help poststroke hemiparetic leg pain. I know about this. Nerve glides. It’s also called nerve flossing. All of the nerves in the body are connected somehow to every single other nerve in the body. It’s one giant system. Think of a rope. You pull on one end of a rope, the other end moves. Same thing happens with your nerves. You pull on a nerve in your neck it might affect a nerve at your fingertips. Your nerves are one big rope in your body. Everyone’s heard of the sciatic nerve. It’s the big nerve that comes out of the spine at the low back and can cause pain there(this is why you’ll often hear people say “my sciatica is acting up” or something like that) and then the sciatic nerve runs down the back of the thigh and at the knee it then splits and shoots off like a million littler nerves. Not really a million.
So Dean found this research that sciatic nerve glides can help leg pain after a stroke. The study said that there were significant differences between strokies that just did leg strengthening and strokies that did sciatic nerve glides too. Hey, can’t f’n hurt. So here’s an awesome animation of sciatic nerve glides. Here’s another way to do it. And another. There are a bunch of ways to do this. Seated, laying down, whatever position really. You just have to figure out how to get some tension then some slack on the nerve. Go to YouTube and search for “sciatic nerve flossing” and a crapload of videos will come up. As soon as you start to feel tingling, STOP. You apply too much pressure to a nerve and weird things start to happen. The more you do this, eventually you should be able to do more and more motion before those weird tingly feelings start. By the way, do at your own risk.
My voice teacher is one of the coolest people I’ve ever met in my life. He’s awesome. We’ve discovered recently that I have what would have been in my previous life a pretty good singing voice, had it been trained. Maybe someday in this life I’ll have a good singing voice. I can get really high and I’m very loud. When I had the stroke, one of the absolute, most devastating things to me was that my loud, inappropriate, infectious laugh was completely gone. I say inappropriate because I would be loud and laugh in inappropriate settings. I always did that. I’ve been told all of my life that my laugh was great. Then I had a stroke and it disappeared. It was just gone. Not being able to laugh, or cry, or express emotion of any kind when you have a million emotions inside and everyone around you thinks that you’re just dumb now is – let’s just say – I really don’t know what to say. There is nothing I could say that would come even remotely close to explaining what hell that was. My loud laugh is back now.
But let’s get back to why I named this post such a very weird title. I had a voice lesson today and in my lesson my voice teacher was complimenting me on some things I’ve been working on and he said…..”the great thing about having a stroke is….” and I cracked up and he immediately realized how that must have sounded to me and he explained what he meant and it’s so true and makes perfect sense. He said that what he meant was that it must have made me incredibly aware of how my body is working which is going to work very much in my favor as far as training my voice is concerned. He’s absolutely right. I mean, I was already pretty aware of what muscles were working/not working and stuff but then Christ, I had a stroke and had to start from scratch. Now to say that I’m extremely aware of stuff would be an understatement. I am extra, hyper, excessively, superfluously aware.
Happy Birthday Barb!!
Mine was a few days ago and I dreaded it. The last 3 birthdays I have absolutely dreaded. Last week was incredibly emotional and depressing for me. I thought it wouldn’t be, I thought it wouldn’t affect me like that because I have a lot of good things in my life now but it did. It kinda made me crazy. I hope this is the last one like that. I used to kinda sorta like that day of the year but things are very different now. Pat took me out to dinner Friday night to a Uzbeki beki stan stan restaurant. Can anyone tell me why I said that? It was delicious. Last night we went to an awesome French restaurant. Today we’re having Italian. After today, I’m never eating again.