My voice teacher is one of the coolest people I’ve ever met in my life. He’s awesome. We’ve discovered recently that I have what would have been in my previous life a pretty good singing voice, had it been trained. Maybe someday in this life I’ll have a good singing voice. I can get really high and I’m very loud. When I had the stroke, one of the absolute, most devastating things to me was that my loud, inappropriate, infectious laugh was completely gone. I say inappropriate because I would be loud and laugh in inappropriate settings. I always did that. I’ve been told all of my life that my laugh was great. Then I had a stroke and it disappeared. It was just gone. Not being able to laugh, or cry, or express emotion of any kind when you have a million emotions inside and everyone around you thinks that you’re just dumb now is – let’s just say – I really don’t know what to say. There is nothing I could say that would come even remotely close to explaining what hell that was. My loud laugh is back now.
But let’s get back to why I named this post such a very weird title. I had a voice lesson today and in my lesson my voice teacher was complimenting me on some things I’ve been working on and he said…..”the great thing about having a stroke is….” and I cracked up and he immediately realized how that must have sounded to me and he explained what he meant and it’s so true and makes perfect sense. He said that what he meant was that it must have made me incredibly aware of how my body is working which is going to work very much in my favor as far as training my voice is concerned. He’s absolutely right. I mean, I was already pretty aware of what muscles were working/not working and stuff but then Christ, I had a stroke and had to start from scratch. Now to say that I’m extremely aware of stuff would be an understatement. I am extra, hyper, excessively, superfluously aware.