Instant Gratification

My brain has always worked a mile a minute and I was always someone who wanted instant gratification.  Then my brain got extremely knocked around and there was nothing instant about any gratification.  For the first 2 years, there was absolutely nothing, and I mean NOTHING, in terms of gratification so it wouldn’t have mattered if it was instant, it didn’t exist.  When I had the stroke, on the inside my brain was still working a mile a minute but it sure as hell didn’t seem like it on the outside because I said some insanely weird things, when I could spit something out – and I was treated accordingly by pretty much everyone.  So I was forced with the task of rebuilding my brain from the ground up.  I couldn’t do anything anymore.  Literally, anything.  I couldn’t walk, I couldn’t talk, I couldn’t write, I couldn’t hold a book, could still read a book though, like I said cognitively I was fine inside.  All those stupid cognitive tests they give you in the hospital like asking you the year and the president – I passed all those tests with flying colors.  Except the word test, I couldn’t do that.  See, I wasn’t dumb – I was injured.  I couldn’t drink from a f’ing cup without a lid on it.  I couldn’t feed myself.  I couldn’t roll over, I couldn’t look up.  LIFE.WAS.HELL.  Life is not hell anymore.  And I also don’t need instant gratification anymore.  I’m quite used to things taking a while.

gc book signing gc awesome gc fox

The very first Grumpy Cat picture I ever used………………gc fb

Categories: Brain stuff, Health, Recovery, Stroke stuff

Tags: , ,

20 replies

  1. Yes, you do learn patience after a stroke.

  2. I’d be okay with that if I just knew the definition of “a while.”

  3. Haha..I love grumpy cat!!! And um ya, I’m getting used to a long wait for just about everything!!! But I still don’t like waiting!

  4. I have been following you since about the third month of z’s injury. Now, we are over a year and a half since this wild ride started… Not quite a year and a half to recovery yet. But who’s counting, right. 😛 zack is still in rough shape. Not walking alone yet. Who knows if he ever will. But, you still give me hope. Thank you for that.

    • Brooke, he will. I know it’s taking longer for him than for the rest of us, his injury was worse. We were almost all told we would never walk again or we’d never do this or that again. I am now doing every single thing that I was told by a dumbass doctor that I would never do again. He’ll walk.

  5. Thanks for your words…it reminds me that after 4 months…equilibrium issues are very doable and whining is not honoring what progress I HAVE made. Things could have been much worse

  6. My comment that said Aunt Jusi didn’t show up. What I said was: sounds great!! Your Mom has told me what great sauce you make! Let’s make a date soon. Yum:)

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