Entitlement

In my last post, I wrote about how it takes me a long time to completely let go of something.  Well, here’s an example of that.  I woke up this morning for some reason real angry about the jerks that threatened me, a stroke victim, with lawsuits a couple of months ago because they were trying to squash my voice and bully me and scare me into submission.  A plan that severely backfired.  This is including my former Kundalini yoga teacher, someone whose job it is to make people feel better and help.  People pay her for help.  To my former KY teacher:  it’s Kundalini that helped me so much, NOT you.  If you would like to harass me and threaten to sue me again for absolutely no reason, to bully me and to scare me, do it, I dare you.  Please quit your day job.  On an episode of Dr. Phil recently, he said that an epidemic that is ruining this country is entitlement.  I don’t think that Dr. Phil could be more right if Dr. Phil tried to be more right.  Sooooooo many people have seemed to think that I am indebted to them for something or owe them something.  Why?  Some people gave me some help, without my asking, and think I owe them.  Some people gave me some gifts, without my asking, and think I owe them.  Some people just thought I owed them something because – well I’m not sure why.

If you would like to give someone some help, do it without expecting anything in return.  And don’t put conditions on your help either.  You’ll feel a lot better and get a lot more in return if you do not expect something in return.  If it’s not expected, believe me you’ll get a whole hell of a lot.  Unless you have a signed contract that says someone owes you something, no one owes you anything and it’s a terrible thing to tell someone or say anything to someone else that makes them feel indebted to you, as has been done to me A LOT. Please, please consider taking my advice about all things physical therapy.  But before you do, please read the disclaimer I have at the bottom of this page.  Please, please consider taking my advice about the need for meditation.  Please, please consider NOT taking my former advice, if you’ve been reading my blog for a while, about a Kundalini Yoga teacher to hire.  I feel that I was badly manipulated by an extreme narcissist when I would recommend and speak so highly of that person.  If I have formerly referred you to her, I apologize.

Here is my review on Angie’s List of my former yoga teacher which I have referred some people to and am now very embarrassed about…….

http://my.angieslist.com/Angieslist/MyAngie/CheckTheList/SPInformation.aspx?%2f%2fBvTitW3v%2fMnRYwZzgCa2JIKzFAWJ9AtpMhj7Wkt5992A7AIqZxawfMlWIPY%2fUkx%2fotorgpvIIb7evTyIt1VPJgT9bcH%2fR4RB3CLJZCtRyMvKNdjqVip1t6HcJQMst0#r10052740

Happy birthday baby EJ I love you!!!!!



Categories: Health, Recovery

Tags: , , , , , ,

16 replies

  1. Amy…I love your posts. And yes entitlement is epidemic….its being taught to our kids. That being said…you cannot change people…so change it within your ‘hula hoop’. Teach our kids empowering thoughts, to give back..and best of all…to pray, visualize good, love. to those that have trespassed against us. That is the best pay back of all

  2. Amy,
    You are entitled to speak about anything you deem proper. You and I might not always see eye to eye on things, but that’s just a perception problem and a difference of opinion. I’m adult enough to see it that way and so are you. But then I hold everyone to my standards.

    That being said, I’m forever beholden to you for being a friend. Not that we owe it to each other, but born of the school of hard knocks and a stroke. You’ve earned the respect I give you. Friends don’t owe friends. Not true ones anyhow. We don’t keep a tally sheet. That’s what being friends is all about.

    Now, PT advice, you are the expert. You’ve got the knowledge and experience, not to mention license and degree, that shows it. Speaking of which, how much do you know about urinary continence? I know some PTs have more experience than others. If you are one of those, I might have to pick you brain for help. (Read my blog for more on this)

    Love you Amy!

    • I know very little about it, just what I was taught in school. But I used to work for a lady that was certified in women’s health and used to treat it all the time. Email me your questions and I’ll try to get you an answer.

    • Jo, I agree w your friends philosophy, and I’ve been given huge gifts – one friend drove me to PT a half-hour away once a week for a YEAR – and expected nothing in return, although we did entertain them often in an attempt to say “thanks.”

      I DO believe in thanking people, though, and resent it when I don’t hear it after giving. We once bought a car for a relative, and, while he has thanked us a thousand times (overdone), his wife has never said a word about it. Ditto for paying their expenses to attend a big family event. Even their kids thanked me then, but not their mother. Grudge? He’ll, yeah.

      They might not OWE me anything, but they DO owe us thanks.

  3. Man! Feeling like you owe someone is the worst! I have felt that way a lot in this process too. When zack was first in inpatient therapy someone told my mom that I should write thank you cards to everyone who gave us financial help…. Ummm no. I was in no place to do that. I am just now getting to where I can fathom doing that. And I did save all the addresses of the people who gave us cards, because I knew I could do it one day… But not during the thick of it. Heck no.

    People have no clue, yet they expect. I try not to have unrealistic and unspoken expectations. They are definitely huge relationship killers. And I certainly agree, if you are gonna help someone- do it out of the goodness of your heart and your love and care for them. Period.

  4. My ex felt entitled that even post-stroke I continue to enable her controlling ways. Did find out that I’m not as smart as I think I am because from up-close I couldn’t see the dysfunction.

  5. Love you too, Amy! Please hurry back soon!!! A visit from you would be the best birthday gift ever!!!!

  6. I think entitlement I goes hand-in-hand with guilt. “After all I’ve done for you…” And avoiding the word “should” helps me deal with things more clearly now. There is no longer an “I should” in my head, and if someone says “you should…” I just stop listening.

    Tom and I are struggling w this now. We help a few relatives financially at Christmas, but this year we’re having trouble giving to one (our favorite) because we don’t want him to “spend it (pay the bills) for his selfish, entitled a-hole of a wife’s recent trip to Hawaii (alone), but we finally decided that our help is just help, nothing w strings. Thank you, Amy, for helping confirm our decision. What do I owe you?

  7. Damn Amy, it looks like our lives ran parallel in that respect for a while too. I can’t even tell you how many times I had to hear the “You should be grateful…”, “After what I did for you while you were sick…”, “How many other people do you think would’ve been there for you?…” crap — I got so tired. This was from an ex no less. Made my recovery worse, not better.

    I’m alone now, but at least I’ll be starting up PT again after New Years and going to get into meditation, per your recommendation. 🙂 I got myself off the pain patch, because I can’t stand narcotics, so between my rehab and other doctors, we’re going to find other ways to manage the pain. Still taking OTC pain relievers and Baclofen. Think the meditation will do the trick?

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