Children

I’ve been emailing with someone who had a stroke and has multiple kids.  Now, I’m speculating here and going to write about something that I have not experienced myself and know nothing about.  I have no children and I’m not married.  I think, maybe, again I don’t know for sure as I have no experience being a mother, but I think that being a mom might actually help recovery in the long run.  It will give you a motivation to work hard unlike any other.  Maybe, maybe not.  I really had very little motivation myself.  Getting back to the life that I was leading prior to the stroke was not motivation for me.  I hated that life and wanted out.  I was going to get out but then one day the universe thought “nah, I’m gonna teach her a lesson and disable her and make her live in absolute, utter HELL for a few years.”  Lesson learned, universe, lesson learned.  Thanks.  Other than my animals, I really had no motivation.  That’s when the support and love of a few friends and family members became critical because without that I would’ve been outta here.

This has nothing to do with anything….. So, I googled “grumpy cat lesson” to try to find a GC picture to put in this post and a picture of a schnauzer came up…..I have a thing with schnauzers.

Here’s my schnauzer….

cas

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Categories: Recovery, Stroke stuff

Tags: , , ,

15 replies

  1. Sometimes you work harder on certain areas after a stroke because of loved ones’ needs.I was first disabled at 26 (crushed spine with nerve involvement, hip replaced). I had five children at home. I was determined to walk again even though the doctors at the time said it wasn’t possible. I did it. It took three years but I did it. I did suffer remorse that the younger two would not have a momma who could swing them around and climb trees after them though. I did have my limits.

    Before my stroke, I was a very active community figure, grandmother and caregiver. After my stroke I was determined to continue. I learned to talk first because my husband is deaf and read lips. Walking with only a cane was essential because my house is not/was not set up for someone in a wheelchair. I had to be able to draw up my husband’s morphine into a syringe and give him injections also. I accomplished those goals before leaving the rehab hospital.

    At home there were a thousand other things that I had to relearn or learn to do with half my body not working to survive and be a caregiver, and the same loving grandmother. I’m still learning after almost three years. Every day brings a new challenge but I meet them head on because I have to.

    Yes, need is a great motivator. I tend to work harder for someone else than if it were just for me. If it were just me, I’d go, “Eh, do I really need too?” Most times the answer would be no.

  2. I love your dog’s ears.

    As for one person’s goal being more effective than another’s, I disagree. If taking care of children makes recovery more successful, I’d adopt.

  3. I had 2 daughters still home 18 and 22, both with assorted serious learning disabilities and a husband who also has learning disabilities. I was also actively helping with my son’s autistic preschooler. I was the one who kept everything running on time, getting bills paid, people where they were supposed to be. All hell broke loose when I got sick and the fact that I had wound up with a ton of cognitive issues and executive function/ decision making problems was overwhelming.

    I worked so hard on the cognitive and physical rehab because I felt that without it all these other peoples lives would also have serious consequences. I had a period when I was very suicidal but felt I had no choice but to stick around till my family was sorted out and stable. That day with everyone problem free has yet to arrive but I have a pretty good life now and I am happy and stable.

    If it was just me, or even only me and my husband in the house, I would have stayed on the couch and watched Oprah and never gone out in the snow for medical appointments or rehab.

  4. Your line, “Lesson learned, universe, lesson learned. Thanks.” put a huge grin on my face. I can completely relate. It is amazing how these lessons are thrown in our face so viciously, isn’t it?

    I had two young children when I had my stroke. Sometimes I feel bad when I think about how they know me as nothing other than the person I am today. They would have loved the fun, athletic person I used to be. Some day I hope they will learn to appreciate the fighting spirit I have gained since they were born.

    For me, as much as I have regrets, it was a benefit they were at the age they were when I had my stroke. My youngest and I took our first steps together. It was a painful, horrible, and beautiful motivation to learn to walk at the same time my baby girl was learning.

    I am glad you had your animals. We all need something to treasure. Pets offer us a lot of that love.

  5. Thankyou SO much for your motivating words..I too hated my life -stroke prior….I am a gramma raising two granddaughters who would be in foster care without me…so motivated I am….but I really heard you when you said you hated your life before…and the universe wanted your attention. Its got mine now as I wander thru wondering whats next. Your words keep me optimistic

  6. Oh YES!!! My mama job was the best therapy imaginable. If they sent stroke survivors home with cuddly, yet rambunctious 2 year olds to care and love….the recoveries would be much improved. It was so hard. I would cry my eyes out daily because I wasn’t sure how I could do all I needed to. I worked a million times harder for my son than if it as just me. We all made it, but some days I wasn’t sure we would.

  7. I think recovery is always hard and I don’t know that having a child makes it any easier, maybe it’s just another version of hard? For me seeing the uncertainty in my two year old daughter’s eyes when I came home from hospital; sensing her hesitation to trust this broken, sassy eye patch wearing, slightly wobbly person I had become instead of MUMMY (who could do anything!) was the hardest thing for me.
    Her need for me to be well, to be ME again certainly has motivated parts of my recovery, but at times it has also led me to run when I should have walked, pushed when I should have rested and at times, left me without a safe space to just feel lousy and wade through the emotional quagmire that comes post-stroke.
    That being said, few things make life better than a squishy hug or a sloppy kiss from a two year old kid who still thinks you hang the moon…even when you can’t hang up her clothes for the fatigue.
    Thank you for your amazing blog. I am new to it, but glad to be feeling a little less alone and a little braver.

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