I was talking to a friend a long time ago, she was talking about her ex-boyfriend and said something like “the opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference.” Something like that, I forget how she put it exactly but it was really profound. Her point was that she knew was over this guy because she no longer gave a crap what happened in his life. For a long time before that talking about him would make her upset and angry. I have OCD(obsessive-compulsive disorder) which makes things terribly difficult to completely let go of. It takes me a long, long time – sometimes years – to completely let go of something. This is the way I have been since I was a teenager. It’s just the way I am. I wish the stroke took my OCD away, but no such luck. I wrote about something a while ago, I forget what specifically I was talking about, but I was writing something about cutting toxic people out of my life. Barb made a comment and said that she disagrees because she feels that when people are really mean, that’s when they need kindness the most. I think that’s wonderful. If you can do that, do that. I cannot do that. When someone is mean to me I react instead of responding and my reaction usually ain’t so good. I’m mean right back, usually quite a bit meaner and then I feel even worse later on after I have calmed down. I HATE this. I hate, hate, hate, hate this about myself. But I am fully aware of this about myself. There are some people/situations from my past that I am now indifferent about and don’t give a crap about. There are some people/situations from my past that still make me very angry and upset when I talk or think about them. So if you’ve wronged me, believe me you want me out of your life, it’s better for both me and you. But like I said, I am very much aware of this about myself and trying to change it. There are some people who I know that are older than me, some much older, who have absolutely no awareness of their faults and would never admit them, let alone try to change them. This awareness and attempt at changing my behavior, I believe, is a sign that I have reached maturity. If you know better, you try to do better. If you know better and don’t try to do better, well…that’s a motherfucker of a problem and will probably cost you dearly in your life.