Fitting In

Christmas Day was a long, long day for me.  It involved a lot of acting as normal as I can and trying to fit in as much as I can in front of a bunch of different people at 3 different houses.  And I was absolutely exhausted by the end of the day and needed 2 days to recover.  AND a comment was made in jest about my intelligence and I’m extra super ultra sensitive about that so I got extremely p***** off.  A lot of people probably think “it’s been almost 4 years, why is it still such an issue?”  It is still very much an issue, and I’m assuming always will be.  My brain isn’t like ‘normal’ peoples’ brains, it is majorly different and affected and I can’t do certain things and now that I look quite normal and sound kinda sorta close to normal, no one gets it.  It was much easier to get people to understand that I can’t do certain things or need lots of breaks when I looked and sounded terrible.  But I don’t now.  My introverted personality made days like this exhausting for me before the stroke, but now….well now I get anxiety about it beforehand and it takes a few days to recover and feel ‘normal’ again.  Ah well, c’est la vie.

gc intro forgive


Categories: Brain stuff, Recovery, Stroke stuff

Tags: ,

10 replies

  1. A “joke” about intelligence? Well, that wasn’t very smart, was it? Did you give him/her a display of your temper? Or keep your mouth shut?

  2. Amy,
    My question to you is why pretend to be normal? Even before my stroke I had the attitude of accept me as I am. If you can’t, then you have a personal problem. I’ve always been abby normal. Either it’s my IQ, or my personality, or my thinking outside the box. Especially now, my hasn’t changed. It isn’t worth the stress. Fitting in? Make others conform. It’s affirmative action time.

    Three houses?! That’s way too much for a “normal” person. No wonder you were exhausted.

  3. I can relate! I was listening intently to a conversation between several women on Boxing Day. Then I went to participate and my words came out all jarbbled. Good times! lol

  4. Zack can, but has a hard time carrying a convo with me, and pretty much stares and listens in groups of any kind really. And vrowds… Forget it! I can’t believe someone made a “joke” about your intelligence. People are tragically ignorant. I am very sorry. I would have an extremely hard time with that if someone said something like that to zack. Good for you, for remaining calm. I can feel my blood starting to boil just reading this. So not cool.

  5. 3 places? No way!! I just say no to lots of things I used to do. We went one place Christmas eve…and I told everyone else…I’m staying home all day Christmas day. I asked them to come over either early or late if they wanted to see us so I could nap….but of course they showed up just as I fell asleep. I think they all think after 4 years that I’m making this shit up about what I can and can’t do. I look and seem normal for the short period of time that I see them, except I’m wearing earplugs and crawling out of my skin from all the noise and commotion. My life is totally different, they don’t get it. I try to not let it bother me and just do what feels best for me. My husband is great and totally gets it so whatever with the rest.

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