Feeling Sorry for Yourself

I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster this month.  It happens a lot.  But this month it was really bad.  It’s my stroke anniversary month which makes me go positively crazy, I moved, I got a NASTY cold, I thought my cat ran away for a little while, it was just a horrible month with a lot of stress.  So I cried a lot.  I thought my boyfriend would think that I was absolutely nuts, damaged goods, and second guess our entire relationship.  He did just the opposite.  I was a mess one day and crying, and I said to him “I’m sorry, I’m just feeling really sorry for myself.”  He replied “I hate it when people say that, these are legitimate feelings that you’re having and you need to talk about them.”  Ummm.  My God, what a wonderful reply.  My entire life, no one has ever said anything like that to me.  Until recently, the people in my life would tell me how to feel and wouldn’t let me express how I was really feeling.  I was always told “you should do this, you should do that, at least this, at least that, get over it, let it go, it’s in the past.”  How dare I have feelings about something.

I’ve learned that “feeling sorry for yourself” and allowing yourself to complain and feel like crap is incredibly necessary.  Especially for a highly sensitive person like myself.  It’s cathartic and good for your mental health and you’ll feel much better after you release those emotions.  If you try to deny them or tell someone else that they shouldn’t feel the way that they feel, it’s gonna come back to bite you in the ass big time.



Categories: Miscellaneous

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19 replies

  1. I agree. You do need to get those emotions out. However, over the past day I have been wrestling with a similar thing and maybe you can help me with it, Amy. Since my stroke three years ago, I get emotional at things (not new) and I well up and/or cry in front of people (new). My voice betrays me and sounds all cry-y. I dont want to sound like that sometimes! The normal thing is to act all stoic on the outside then go in the bathroom or your bedroom and cry like a normal person! When I had a job at a big company (not anymore), I would have these performance discipline meetings and I would just get trampled on (post-stroke I cant keep a freaking job). When I would go to say something, ugh my voice would totally give it away that I was all cry-y inside. You dont want to be like that in front of your boss! Yesterday, I went to a vocational counselor for the disabled because I need a freaking job and I hate how a stupid medical event three years ago did this to me. The counselor was saying that I should apply for SSI and food stamps and in my mind, I thought “oh my god – I’m in this horrific position because of this stupid stroke” and started to well up and she said “OK. Talk about what’s bothering you.” And then I started to cry. When I left, I thought “Sara, you have to get it together and stop getting so emotional in front of people!” This is not PBA. It is stroke-related. I just cant contain myself anymore! How do I deal with this? GRRR!!!!

  2. Holy flock. I just re-read your blog titled “Cerebellum.” What stuck in my mind was the NPR thing and “fine-tuning.” But, this is (seems like, anyway) exactly what I was just talking about. I also had a subarachnid hemmorrage in the cerebellum (that’s what you had, right?). Really eye-opening! Now I still need to know what to do about this….

    • That is weird, right? That was gonna be my response. I think these weird emotions are a cerebellar injury thing. No, I didn’t have a sub-arachnoid hemorrhage, just a plain old stroke in the cerebellum. Honestly, the only thing that helps in the moment I’ve found is meditation. And also, when I meditate regularly, I act much more sane on a daily basis.

  3. I wonder if meditation would help with the outward weepiness: the voice, the welling, the crying. I dont get angry, have outbursts of an angry nature. Its just obvious that I’m upset. I wonder….

  4. Ok. Got it. Thank you!

  5. Hey Amy,
    It’s okay to vent your emotions but don’t make it a life long ambition. Some people do, but not you. Everyone that is healthy does it. Heck even I do it. Stop kicking yourself for being human. Your young man is right.

    Yes, I have PBA because of my stroke, but I also need to vent too.

    BTW! The exercises are helping! I actually moved my foot out of the inverted position for the first time in three years. Thanks.

  6. Hang in there kiddo. I drown my insecurities in wine, although that may not be the best thing in the world. I hate having to be the tough/resourceful guy all the time.

  7. It sounds like you have found the right man to be with you. : )

  8. The thing about feeling sorry for myself, is that it makes me feel like crap – and I don’t WANT to feel like crap. Crying makes me dislike myself, so I just don’t. Sara, I have “the voice” thing too, and I hate that.

    I see being stoic as enduring something I have no choice about without whining – there are enough things in the world to be upset about that I could cry all day every day, but that would be a miserable life, so i don’t. Happiness , to me, is a choice, dependent on myself, not my circumstances.

    One more thing:way to go, Patrick!!

  9. I cry ALL the time. It’s a part of me, and I think it actually makes me feel better faster to get it out, and get on with it. I feel very deeply, I think I feel more intensely than most people and I’m ok with that. When I feel sorry for myself though, I try to remind myself of all the good things around me because I feel like wallowing in despair will not help me. I feel whatever feeling it is and then try to move on. Usually works for me.

  10. When I’m feeling sorry for myself, people advise me to count my blessings. The flaw in that is, feelings are feelings, and identifying good things is an intellectual exercise; so, I think that doesn’t work. I just feel what I feel, and you’re not going to talk me out of it.

    • Exactly! Feel what you feel. Someone said to me once that they were down and complaining about people at work or something and someone said to her, “So who do you want me to shoot?” And that made her laugh and she said that was all she needed and then felt better. Someone validating her feelings instead of someone saying something like “well that person is probably just trying to…..so you should feel……” That makes it worse. I know all too well about people saying stuff like that to me and not validating my feelings.

  11. Feel what you feel….yes….but also…don’t get “stuck in it”. Depression is highly linked with rumination (thinking the same negative thought again and again) it can become a vicious cycle of repeating the negative thoughts…they become habits after awhile and forcing yourself to move past the disturbing thoughts will be an exercise in cognition initially, until it becomes a new habit to feel what your feeling( don’t stuff it down or ignore it) let it out and refocus on a better thought that feels good. With practice it will come natually. Your thoughts will become ur feelings that’s why its so important to “think good thoughts”. My 2 cents.;)

  12. What a very special and supportive boyfriend you have! Or maybe he’s now your husband. I agree with him fully!

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