Empathy Cards

I shared this site with someone on my Facebook page a few months ago and just realized I very much need to share it here. These are the kinds of things to say to someone who is going through something awful. If you tell someone “everything happens for a reason” or “it’s all part of God’s plan” or “God won’t give you more than you can handle” or “you should be grateful you can still….”  or ” you should do this or that…”  or “you should feel this or that” or if someone talked to you about something and all you ever do is try to one up that person by telling them that you know how they feel because you’ve been through much worse(thinking of multiple specific people here who ALWAYS did that to me) – the person you said those things to is probably secretly plotting your death. 

Categories: Health, Recovery, Stroke stuff

Tags: , ,

17 replies

  1. So true. He is in a better place really got me angry. A hug and I’m sorry is all you really need.
    I am also sick of “You are so strong”. What is that supposed to mean? Every day is a struggle.

    • I’m not entirely sure what that means….like we had a choice to endure these things….we had no choice in the matter. And for me, the people closest to me…….well, it doesn’t matter now.

  2. I probably need to get a bunch of platonic soulmate cards. I also heard ‘God doesn’t give you more than you can handle’ from my parents. That threw me completely into atheism, wanting no part of such an evil god.

  3. People simply do not know what to say. And their utterances are asshole-like. The sad part is, they don’t know it.

    • Many people in my life were TOLD, many many many times not to say and do certain things. Think that made an ounce of difference to anyone? The answer is no.

  4. My favorite remains: “You sure are lucky.” Said to me by several individuals with a friend or relative who had a stroke with more negative affects than mine. I always wanted to say, but never did: “Yes I know I’m lucky, but unless you’ve had a stroke, you’re not allowed to say it.”

    • Hell no you’re not allowed. Hell no.

      • There was one person at work with a relative who was severely disabled from a stroke who even doubled down. A few weeks after saying it to me the first time, she said it again. “You know you are really lucky don’t you?” I said something like “Right,” and walked away. What I really wanted to say was, “I appreciate you telling me that, oh exalted expert on strokes, since I am too brain damaged to comprehend this myself.”

  5. I might be guilty of the feeble one up dumb comments…sorry to all I used them on. I in general am the worst at communicating especially when needed. I am still waiting for my copy of the mythical human guide handbook. Any offense I have uttered applys to all equally, not calling anyone out but myself.

  6. Other person (*MANY* other persons): Other folks have it much worse.
    I (channeling Tony Soprano): KILL!!!

  7. I’m so happy I found this site – thank you for hosting Amy.

    I thought everyone would love to hear my new favorite line that all my new doctor friends think when saying it helps me so much. At least my newfound therapist, started after the stroke, is laughing along with me:

    “Well if you’re going to have a stroke, this is the BEST kind to have.”

    ” . . . ”

    I just want to always carry a rolled up newspaper around with me and and bop them saying “No!”

Say things.................

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